Early Morning Palin Note

Sarah Palin says "all options are on the table." Does that mean she's going to:

1. Bomb Iran from the family's Piper plane.

2. Sit on her front porch so she can keep an eye on Russia.

3. Learn mandarin Chinese.

4. Hunt down Big Foot--At Last.

5. Patrol the Canadian border to prevent illegal immigration.

6. Keep track of her kids for a change.

7. Shoot the last polar bear.

8. Join the George W. Bush Reading Club.

9. Stop doing all that darn reading so she can feel at home on Fox.

10. Have an affair with Mark Sanford.

God's Plan for Mark Sanford

Being an atheist, I don't normally discuss God's plans. Given that there is no God, there can't be a God's plan.

It's something about the laws of physics.

But Mark Sanford is so enthusiastic about God's plans that it's hard to talk about Mark Sanford without talking about God.

So, I'm going to pretend there is a god so I can discuss God's plans for Mark Sanford and why they might be different from Mark Sanford's idea of God's plan.

And why my idea of God's plan for Mark Sanford is closer to the spirit of Jesus than Sanford's own idea.

Mark Sanford's idea is that his on-going disgrace over his affair with Maria Chapur will allow him to "walk in the spirit of humility" while serving as South Carolina governor and in fact make him a more successful governor.

Their belief was that if I walked in with a real spirit of humility then this last legislative term could well be our most productive one - and that outside this term, I would ultimately be a better person and of more service in whatever doors God opened next in life.

Sanford had attempted to refuse money from the Obama economic recovery package, but had been defeated in his efforts by both the Republican-dominated South Carolina legislature and the courts. Sanford's friends--and he completely agrees with them--suggested to him that Sanford lost the stimulus battle because of the same "sin of pride" that had led to the affair.

A long list of close friends have suggested otherwise - that for God to really work in my life I shouldn’t be getting off so lightly [by resigning]. While it would be personally easier to exit stage left, their point has been that my larger sin was the sin of pride. They contended that in many instances I may well have held the right position on limited government, spending or taxes - but that if my spirit wasn't right in the presentation of those ideas to people in the General Assembly, or elsewhere, I could elicit the response that I had at many times indeed gotten from other state leaders.

In other words, Sanford thinks he didn't lost the stimulus battle because refusing the money would have harmed South Carolina's educational system. He lost because he wasn't in the "right spirit" to be convincing to his political allies and that God was somehow ensuring that Sanford failed until he got into the right spirit. Now that Sanford has been "humbled" by his affair, he'll be walking in the right spirit and will be in a position to be more successful.

Sanford doesn't quite say this, but he seems to be thinking that God's plan was to humble Mark Sanford so he could be bigger and more successful. The affair was God's plan. Getting caught was God's plan. Looking like an idiot was God's plan.

And it would all make Mark Sanford more successful now or in the future.

In other word, Sanford thinks God is heavily invested in the success of Mark Sanford and is managing Sanford's affairs beautifully so that Sanford can be successful "the right way."

God! The ultimate career counselor.

But God doesn't work that way, at least according to the New Testament. Here's the money quote from the Luke version of the Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed be ye poor for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are ye that hunger now, for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh. But woe unto you that are rich! For ye have received your consolation. Woe unto you that are full! For ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! For ye shall mourn and wep. Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! For so did their fathers to the false prophets. (Luke 6: 20-24, King James version)

Passages like this are part of the reason I'm an atheist. I believe that those who are depressed, unhappy, grieving, or impoverished should be seen as a blessed part of a community of people who are trying to ease their suffering. But I'm a million miles from thinking that those who "laugh now" or are "well liked" are on the fast track to hell. The pronunciation of damnation on those who laugh now is one of the best reasons I can think of to reject Jesus and Christianity.

But Mark Sanford is a Christian. So, I assume he doesn't have this problem. Sanford's problem is that he's a wealthy, important, guy who men have spoken quite well of until now and God's plan for those kind of guys is to send them directly to hell without letting them pass go or look back like Lott's wife.

At least according to Luke. Or Matthew!

So, what is God's plan for Mark Sanford. Well, it looks like Sanford's going to try to hang onto his job as Governor despite calls for him to resign. I hope he succeeds because I can see the Jesus version of God as having a very important use for Mark Sanford if he remains as Governor.

In other words, God's plan might be to use Mark Sanford to pass health care reform.

There are 45 million uninsured people in the United States.

They need God's help.

If Mark Sanford's religious friends do talk him into remaining as Governor, Sanford's presence will make the Republican Party even less credible than they are now, weaken their resistance to the health care reform package taking shape in Congress, and make it more likely that health care reform will pass this year.

That would help poor people, people suffering from difficult illnesses, people who are afraid of not being able to pay medical bills, people who are struggling with the illnesses of their friends and loved ones, and people who are in grief over recent deaths.

In other words, health care reform will be a blessing for many of the people that the New Testament views as "blessed."

According to the God of the New Testament, Mark Sanford is doomed to rot for eternity.

But if benefitting millions of people through health care reform is part of the plan, who am I to object?

Sanford/Edwards Mistress Throwdown Continues

Buried in the South Carolina's The State's lengthy report on the l'affaire Mark Sanford is a little nugget on the potential for Sanford to have multiple mistresses.

In their morning meeting, State editors decided to immediately inform the governor and his inner circle about the e-mails.

A reporter called a Sanford staffer, saying the paper had e-mails that outlined an affair between the governor and Maria. Unless Sanford would address the issue privately, The State would have no choice but to ask him — with TV crews filming — if he knew Maria at his press conference that afternoon.

The names of two other women tumbled into the newsroom.

Stanford denies having three mistresses, but who in their right mind would believe Mark Stanford at this point.

Certainly, it will be interesting to see if women emerge now that Door No. 2 and Door No. 3 have appeared.

Maybe Sanford has something to say about their tan lines as well.

For those keeping up with their biblical dimension of Mark Sanford's affairs, it appears that Sanford will have to give up his King David analogy and go all the way back to Abraham and Isaac for examples of Biblical leaders who kept up little harems.

What's good for the original Hebrews is good for America!

In terms of the Mark Sanford/John Edwards mistress throwdown, I'd have to say that the possibility of three mistresses plus a much needed bible lesson tops one piddly sex tape.

This round goes to Mark Sanford.

The Depths of John Edwards' Dumbness

One of the unintended consequences of the Mark Sanford affair is that a fair amount of "after-crap" is hitting the fan for John Edwards as well.

Former staffer Andrew Young is divulging that Edwards definitey fathered Rielle Hunter's baby.

Young says that his belief in Edwards ran so deep that he agreed to take the fall for the candidate, inviting the pregnant Hunter to live with him, his wife, Cheri, and their three children. Later, after Hunter delivered the baby, Young and his family moved to a different home in California. As if anyone ever doubted that.

Young also drops that he came into possession of an Edwards/Hunter sex tape.

While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.

The purported sex tape confirmed to Hunter that Edwards was even more reckless than he thought.

It's hard to tell which is more stupid--making the tape or leaving the damn thing laying around. But Edwards has to take the grand prize for plumbing the depths of dumness

Even over Mark Sanford.

Mark Sanford: Resign Now for Being Holier Than Thou!!

Now that he's confessed his affair with an Argentinian woman, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina needs to retrieve the old Confederate sword out of his closet . . .

And fall on it.

At least politically.

And while Sanford is falling on his political sword, he should ritualistically disembowel himself and hope he can be resurrected as a Fox commentator.

Oh yeah! Sanford should also resign as governor.

Sophia Nelson makes the argument that Sanford is a human being after all and that we humans are frail creatures who inevitably get off the straight and narrow path. What's more, few people in the media or politics haven't over-indulged in booze, used illegal drugs, or fallen off the monogamy wagon. Everyone should all understand that we too are fallen creatures, that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and forgive Sanford for his transgressions.

Nothing against Nelson. Her HuffPost article makes the case well.

But I'm still not buying.

Mark Sanford should resign because he's a sanctimonious prig who was selling a lie that he was five times more righteous than even your average South Carolina Republican.

True, Sanford isn't as bad as Elliot Spitzer. Given that Spitzer was an uber self-righteous prick, everybody instantaneously agreed that he was just too disgusting to remain in office. "Get him out of our sight" was the consensus.

But Sanford still needs to resign.

The self-righteousness, the hypocrisy, the months of deceit with his wife, the lies he told about his disappearance, and the breach of faith with his staff and the people of South Carolina are all too much for Sanford to remain in office. He really needs to remove himself from the public scene and reflect on his path in life.

Maybe he should get back with his wife and sons. Maybe he should see if it's going to work with his Argentinian mistress. Who knows?

Maybe he could even get a real, i.e., non-political job.

I'm not saying that Mark Sanford shouldn't have a future in politics. But if he is going to have a role in public life, he needs to go back to the end of the line and once again earn the trust of people who have a full knowledge of his fall from grace.

That's the only thing that's fair to the people of South Carolina and the Republican Party.

Otherwise, Sanford's just going to be one more GOP laughingstock at a time when it's really hard for anyone to take the Republican Party seriously.

Mark Sanford's Excellent Adventure, Part II

It appears that Mark Standord's staff has come up with a second version of the South Carolina Governor's whereabouts.

The new story is that he's been "hiking" the Appalachian Trail.

What happened to all of the "writing projects" that Stanford's staff and wife were talking about yesterday?

It looks like that the writing story's not going to stand up. The "Appalachian Trail" story probably won't stand up either.

Hopefully, Stanford's not "wandering aimlessly."

But that's still what it sounds like.

Mark Sanford Disappears--Check His Meds

Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina, has at least temporarily disappeared. Well, his staff says they've located him. But it appears that his wife and his South Carolina detail have had no idea where he is for the last four days.

Gov. Sanford has made his name as being the farthest out on the fringe of the Republican governors with his neo-nullificationist approach to the Obama stimulus package.

Farther out than either Sarah ("Bridge to Nowhere") Palin or even that secessionist teaser Rick Perry of Texas.

But if I were a South Carolina voter, I'd be concerned about Mark Sanford.

That's because his wife is "not concerned." It appears these kind of episodes happen often enough that Mrs. Sanford isn't particularly worried about it.

The official line is that Sanford wanted to take some time away from his kids to get some writing done.

On Father's Day weekend?

Of course, it's common knowledge that many conservative Republicans like John Ensign, David Vitter, and Mark Foley are much less concerned about their own families than they are about "family values."

But I don't believe for a second that Sanford's "trip to nowhere" was about getting work done.

My own guess is that Gov. Sanford is on some heavy anti-depressant medication and that he's either gotten off his meds or needs another prescription.

Here's hoping that Sanford gets the help he needs.

The Shorter Mark Sanford

State Sen. Joel Lourie (D-Richland) nails Mark Sanford, South Carolina's right-wing zealot of a governor, after Sanford's veto of legislation regulating payday loan-sharking.

[Sanford's] vision for South Carolina is for ineffective, underfunded schools, for kids buying cheap cigarettes and for unprotected consumers."

As always, the key to understanding conservatives is that they frankly don't give a damn about the welfare of their villages, towns, states . . . or country.