This is from "Blue Texan" (via Glenn Greenwald) quoting Helen Reynolds, the wife of Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit fame.
"I have seen this fear of manliness in many modern husbands and fathers. Some men today are afraid of appearing like their own fathers, whom they thought of as unfair, controlling or condescending to women—the son swears he will not act the same way. Unfortunately, he often goes to the opposite extreme of letting his wife or others run all over him. These men are often doing dishes, watching the kids and earning much of the money all the while feeling guilty if anyone is unhappy with them. If you think this may be your problem, I have a couple of suggestions. Pick up a copy of How To Be a Man by John Birmingham and learn how to gain more self-confidence in being a man. In addition, get The Dangerous Book for Boys and build a treehouse, make a go-cart or learn to engage in fun activities that will make you appreciate how much fun it is to be a man. Ignore the societal pressures and male bashing and practice carrying yourself with pride until it feels real."
Blue Texan thought this so embarrassing that he didn't comment. Needless to say, I don't have those kind of scruples. Mrs. Instapundit conflates "the fun of being a boy" in building go-carts or tree-houses or playing football or playing video games, with the "fun of being a man." Of course, "being a man" was not a tremendous amount of fun in the traditional idea of manhood in which the father of a family sacrificed himself in a factory, mine, or office in order to sustain a wife and children at home. As analyzed in Richard Sennett and Jonathan Cobb's classic Hidden Injuries of Class, traditional manhood was almost as unsatisfactory to men as traditional femininity was to women.
People like Helen Reynolds think that traditional manhood failed because of the relentless attacks of feminism. Actually, it traditional manhood failed because men didn't like it that much either. It just took feminism to push traditional manhood over the edge.
Speaking from a male perspective, good riddance!
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17 comments:
Yeah, the whole working hard to provide for your family or maybe send your child off to college was a real drag. We're much better off now without any of that social pressure to actually be responsible for anything except for proclaiming our eternal guilt for having been born male.
ef- Obviously you have some sort of twisted ideology wherein the man is only being responsible when he is working hard to provide for the family. Stereotypical "manliness" is neither a good nor productive thing. I watched as my father sacrificed his health to provide for my mother, brothers, and myself. He did so out of some sense that it was his duty as a man and now he's paying the physical price for it. But that's all my father did, he worked and provided for us. He never took the time to mentor me, or talk with me, or to spend any semblance of quality time with me. Instead he felt his role was to be provider and disciplinarian, nothing more. So my father did fulfill your idea of what a real man was, almost to the letter. Yet neither he nor I am better off for it, instead his health is failing and I never had a true father figure.
To claim that any one person has to fill a certain role in society is absurd to begin with. We should all have the freedom to choose the roles we fill. If I become a father and want to stay at home while my wife works, why should that be a problem? Why should I worry that doing the dishes might make me less of a man? Is it not manly for a person to have the courage to be themselves in a world that seeks to label everyone? I dare say it is.
We all feel societal pressures to be certain way. When Helen Reynolds tells men to "Ignore the societal pressures and male bashing and practice carrying yourself with pride until it feels real." She's doing a nice little bait and switch. By telling men to ignore societal pressures and practice carrying oneself with pride she is attempting to remove the pressure asserted by feminism and changing trends within society and apply traditional pressures that have historically forced men to act a certain way.
There has never been a handbook that clearly defined what the roles of men and women are. Don't quote the bible to me, it is entirely irrelevant to this discussion as it has been widely proven as nothing more the a misogynistic manuscript that perverted the minds of men and women alike. A man can do whatever he chooses to do as can a woman. That is called social freedom. This is America, you know, land of the free home of the brave? How can anyone be free or brave when people are telling them they must behave in a certain manner? It takes freedom and courage to go against the prevailing ideology and actually be an individual. We need more courageous and free people from my perspective.
I washed dishes last night. Didn't seem so terrible to me. Dear Lord, I played with my 2 month old son last evening and changed his diaper and fed him.....and then I played video games.
I'm confused what will Helen say about that, since it's not completely within the stark black/white boundaries she sets for men?
P.S. Ef, a bit of a non-sequitor. Remember you came here courtesy of a man who does household chores and baby-watching all day. Jeff clearly has a different view on what makes a man than Mrs. Instapundit does. And, he's right and so is the professor.
Did I advocate for a 90 hour work week? I'm all for mentoring children. I was "helping" to mow the lawn when I was 4, out on fishing trips, helping to paint the house or do any other number of things with my father or grandfather. Providing that time to your children is as valuable as any other contribution. I'm all for it.
The pendulum has swung way too far the other way. The absence of social pressure to provide for your family is a major contributor to the growing number of children growing up with absent, uninvolved fathers. Is that preferrable to your situation? Choice is great, but not when it comes at the price of harming or abandoning your own family. Part of that "old" masculine ideal was that the needs of your family came first. Do what you will, after you have met your responsibilities. Today, it's do what you will, reponsibilities be damned. That should not be seen by anyone as an improvement. Part of courage is doing what needs to be done when you'd rather be doing something else.
I can't remember the story, but it was set in the great depression. There was a child that was ashamed of his/her father because he was a street sweeper. Expressing that to another adult, the adult repsonded by saying that instead of ashamed at his apparent low station in life, the child ought to be proud. When everyone else lost their jobs they declared bankruptcy, breaking ther promise to repay loans to their creditors. This childs father refused to do so, took any job he could find, and repayed what he owed. That's a man.
Further, we have taught a generation that there is something inherently wrong with maleness. Especially in boys. There has long been concern for the self image of girls and efforts to teach them to be proud of who they are. The same is not the case of boys who are often criticised for behaving in boyish ways.
Check out the interview at amazon for the "dangerous book for boys" that the Prof linked to. Here's a small part of it:
Iggulden: I am one myself and I think we've become aware that the whole "health and safety" overprotective culture isn't doing our sons any favors. Boys need to learn about risk. They need to fall off things occasionally, or--and this is the important bit--they'll take worse risks on their own.
Timb, sounds a lot like most of my nights.
The original piece does not, in my view, repudiate men for washing the dishes. It's pointing out that many men today try (or feel pressured) to fill all roles while feeling some amount of guilt if anyone is dissatisfied with their efforts. It might help to go all the way to the original, original piece to actually see what context this was in.
http://pajamasmedia.com/2007/08/ask_dr_helen_3.php
it's a bit down the page, but worth looking into.
Thanks for the link, ef.
Context ameliorates only some of the wackiness. As an aside, clearly the gent who is writing is the craziest person in that dialog. Still, she builds from his strangeness a belief in a world that I'm pretty sure never existed...children without fathers were an ancient, a modern, and now a post-modern problem. In the olden days fathers and mothers tended to die at younger ages, thus leaving children fatherless or motherless. it was much easier in those days to be a widower with children, as you were allowed and encouraged to work. If the converse were true, the entire literary career of Jane Austen may have been nipped in the bud.
Her suggesting that one man change, and every man, takes some of the wacky out, but, in my mind, not all.
What we need around here is less context and more calling each other names! Dang it.
Why should men not enjoy riding Harley's, watching football, big screen TV? Why should men continue to apologize for enjoying sports, guns, cigars, poker, and power tools? And, at the same time, enjoy cooking, Vivaldi, and a good book. To me, the point I took from that link is that men have become stigmatized, and for some reason, are supposed to suppress aspects of themselves that do not fit within the Oprahization of men.
Just my 2 cents ...
more calling each other names!
Asshole.
mentoring children?
OK. parenting, for short.
Who in the world is against mentoring children?
Well, on reflection it does seem like a slightly strange construct. I was trying to seperate the acts of effective, quality parenting (mentorship) from simply being a parent (nominally present for duty).
Yes, "traditional manhood" changed because enlightened feminists showed men the way! Only in the blogosphere or in academia would such blather not be laughed at.
"Who in the world is against mentoring children?"
I don't know, what if you are some kind of wacko macho kind of mentor. Like is it okay for me to mentor my nieces in the fine arts of hunting and fishing?
Why is it that people like Neiwart and Caric are so bent on redefining masculinity? If you have to ask what it is, or perform academic contortions to re-define it, then you are most certainly, not "it".
Professor Caric - Did you actually bother to read Dr. Helen's post, or did you just rely on your fellow travelers to misinterpret her point?
thanks for your voice, dr caric. your daughter and my son were friends at Morehead Montessori.
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