Is Ted Haggard Still Gay?

Fallen evangelical mega-minister Ted Haggard re-emerged from "intensive therapy" to assure the world that he is "completely heterosexual" and is planning to join his wife in getting an on-line master's degree in psychology.

Personally, I'm relieved to know that you can have sex with a gay prostitute and be "completely heterosexual." That creates all kinds of possibilities in life. Couldn't Barry Bonds have been "drug free" while he was taking steroids and isn't Rush Limbaugh still married to all three of the wives he's divorced. I think I'll say that I'm a Hell's Angel even though I haven't been on a motorcycle in 45 years.

Of course, I imagine that Haggard and his wife feel relieved by this "discovery." But I don't think he understands that being a heterosexual or gay involves a lot more than it used to.

Perhaps there was a time when being heterosexual meant identifying oneself has heterosexual, having sex with the other sex, being in heterosexual relationships, and living in a heterosexual life-world. Likewise, there may have been a time when being gay meant things like identifying oneself as gay or being in gay relationships.

But that's all so old school.

Anyone who listens to college guys, and I mean straight college guys, talk these days comes to the quick realization that it's extremely difficult to avoid being gay. I began to realize this several years when a student got up in front of a class and claimed that any guy who did not go to strip clubs was "gay." In fact, college guys accuse their friends of being gay over anything that deviates from a strict macho image--clothes can be gay, accents can be gay, casual conversation can be gay. Any association with women at all can be associated with accusations of gayness. And yes, that means that guys who date women can be called gay. Strictly considered, heterosexuality is something between men while guys who associate with women are called "gay."

From the contemporary perspective, it isn't just Ted Haggard's sex with a gay prostitute that would make him gay. It would also be his pearly white teeth, that big ministerial grin, and perhaps his exaggerated evangelical clean-cutness. In this sense, Haggard would have been "gay" long before he called on gay prostitutes.

And being married to his wife wouldn't help either.

If Haggard wants to prove that he's "completely heterosexual" by current standards, he might think about spending a lot of time at sports bars. Better yet, he could join an "on-line" frat when he signs up for his classes. But I'm not sure that either Haggard or anyone else can reach the nirvana of "complete heterosexuality."