One of the problems that Blue Staters don't have nearly as much as us in the Red States is the curse of right-wing relatives--all of the parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins who give money to the evangelical weirdos, support the failed occupation in Iraq, think that Bill O'Reilly is a great guy, and make denigrating comments about minorities whenever they get a chance.
I have it particularly bad. I have seven brothers and sisters and two of them are racists, one's a follow Bush all the way war-monger, another can't understand why the Democrats don't like tax cuts for the wealthy, and yet another is a one-issue voter for tax cuts. As far as I know, they were all gung-ho for invading Iraq.
So, how do I get under their exquisitely thin skins? It's important to understand that right-wingers are the thinnest-skinned people alive. So, you don't really have to do much to bring them to the edge of spittle-flying insanity. Here are some of my ideas:
1. Remind them that the French were right. Right-wingers hate the French more than they hated Saddam or even American liberals. Reminding them that America would be much better off today if we had listened to the French induces spasms of outrage. I've also had some luck with pointing out that George Bush is now almost as unpopular in the U. S. as he is in France.
2. Quote Jesus on Wealth. In Luke 6, Jesus condemned the wealthy--"Woe unto you that are rich, for ye have received your consolation." The only thing that right-wingers love more than Jesus is money. Pointing out to them that they can't have it both ways is good for their souls. And yours.
3. Send Donations In Their Name to MoveOn.org. They'll appreciate the thank-you notes they get from the leftists at MoveOn.
4. Gay Friends Having Babies? Make sure you figure out a way to drop that into conversations.
5. Who would have been the Better President? In their hearts, right-wingers know that George Bush has blown his presidency sky-high. Yet, they've constructed phony images of Al Gore and John Kerry as hopelessly ridiculous people who could never have been plausible chief executives. Pointing out that both Gore and Kerry would have been better presidents than Bush helps them adjust to the reality of the present disaster.
6. Learn Spanish. Hostility toward immigrants is the right-wing bigotry de jeur. Learn Spanish and practice addressing your relatives as your madre, padre, hermanos, y hermanas. For extra-credit, learn French.
7. The Future is Bright. Whether you support Hillary, Obama, or one of the wannabe's for the Democratic nomination, make sure you emphasize the likelihood of a Hillary presidency to your right-wing relatives. It's even more satisfying than praising the French.
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9 comments:
I missed the part in the Bible about Jesus wanting a huge welfare state that can throw billions of dollars down the toilet and create and foster an enormous underclass that is reliant on government largess for the rest of their, and their children's, lives.
I know you are being amusing, so I can overlook the sophistry that underlies your jokes. Yours is an entertaining blog anyway.
Regards --
Jesus isn't that far off. In Matthew 19, Jesus tells a rich young man to "go and sell that thou hast and give to the poor . . . and come and follow me." A welfare state is a great and relatively efficient way for the wealthy to "give to the poor." I'm surprised that wealthy Christians haven't been lining up to pay 90% of their income in taxes to support welfare state enterprises.
On another topic, I'm glad you like my blog. I'd like to ask you a question. Are you someone I know from Morehead, Morehead State, or the Slate Fray, or are you outside my immediate circles? My guess is that 75-100 people read this blog and I'm wondering if the blog is beginning to appeal yet to people who don't know me.
Thanks for the reply.
Ric
I have to say that I certainly enjoyed this post. You've pointed out quite a few ways that I can further agitate my family and friends. I may start by buying an audio book on learning French. Lol.
Scott
Su odio de conservadores hace su hueco de las conclusiones y unintelligent. El intento que es menos odioso y sus opiniones pueden vinieron a través convincentemente. Hasta entonces, usted es justo como culpable de las cosas que usted demanda la derecha de ser.
Maybe a bit awkward, but conservatives do know some spanish. In fact, I sensed some reverse racism there.
Je désapprove ce que vous dites, mais je défendrai à la mort votre droite de la dire. -Voltaire (Attributed)
En général, l’art du gouvernement consiste à prendre le plus d’argent qu’on peut à une grande partie des citoyens, pour le donner à une autre partie.
-Voltaire
When did conservatives become a "race" toward which you could have "racist" attitudes? Don't conservatives make a big point of color-blindness anyway?
You tell me. You are somehow able to connect a flimsy rope bridge of an intellectual connection between college frat parties and conservatives rejection in the 06 election. surely you can see my connection that your hate for conservatives is just as prejudicial and an impairment to your intellectual conclusions as the racism that you purport so many conservatives to have.
I don't know what you're talking about. I have nothing but love for conservatives and often refer to conservatives as my brothers and sisters.
The same thing with fraternities and sororities. I was in a fraternity back in the day and have many warm memories of my frat experience. Now that I'm a professor, many of my favorite students are in fraternities and sororities. I'm sure this won't surprise you, but fraternities were very conservative places when I was in college and probably even more conservative now.
As for the racism bit, you seem to be sensitive about that. But there are things that point that direction. In fact, the race baiting of Obama began as soon as he declared interest in the Democratic nomination. There also has been an upsurge in racist incidents since the Democrats won (and Obama declared interest) in November. These include the Michael Richards incident, the manager who displayed a noose for his black employees north of NYC, and all the racist frat parties on MLK's birthday. In my post on this topic, I speculated that all this MIGHT point to an upsurge in right-wing racism. In fact, I would be surprised if it didn't.
Regardless of what Jesus says, Palinurus was absolutely correct. Indeed we do have an enormous welfare state that “throws billions of dollars down the toilet” and has fostered and legitimized a system that has created a desperate underclass. Well, Palinurus is correct in a general sort of way. Indeed the government does waste billions of dollars in the form of welfare. Interestingly though the system works so that the waste performs the vital function of insuring major multinational corporations survive, and that wealth continues to be concentrated in fewer and fewer hands. God forbid the government spend money to adequately feed, cloth, educate, and provide health care to its citizens.
Excellent and entertaining post by the way, I will have to incorporate some of those ideas myself.
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